How to: Embarrass Yourself at a Wedding when You’re 4 Years Old

I figure I have to get this first blog over with, so why not make it funny?

“How to: Embarrass Yourself at a Wedding when You’re 4 Years Old”

– First off, turn off your brain. There is no use in using it for what you re about to do

– Now, when you want to embarrass yourself, you always, always need a camera. Videoing the whole wedding is the key if you want to be laughed at when you’re older.

– When you’re looking up at the pretty Bride in her wedding dress, make sure you memorize where everything is, you’ll need this information for later.

– Next, as you “waddle” out of the dressing room, dramatically fall down the stairs. This will get a crack out of your family.

– Congratulations! you’ve made it to the church! Phase 1 completed.

– Since you are the flower girl, walk down the aisle like you own the place, and make sure to smile. This will give you a chance to show off your cuteness to the crows before you do something stupid.

– Now that you are on the steps next to the bridesmaids, look at your audience. Those are the people you about to make a fool of yourself in front of

– Make sure someone famous is there, like Payton Manning (in my case).

– 5 minutes have passed and you’re bored out of your mind, and you want to entertain yourself, but wait just a little longer, it’s not time yet.

– Stare off into space while the Bride and Groom repeat some gibberish the pastor is saying

– Now’s the time for you to make your move. Pretending you’re a dog, lick the brass banister. Ignore the fact that the audience is gossiping and laughing at you

– Lick the life out of that banister for about 10 minutes until you’re satisfied.

– Phase 2 completed.

– Oh no! Your sister just walked away from you and to your dad in the front row so she could sit down.

– You’re tired of standing, and so badly want to sit down, so now’s your chance to commence phase 3.

– Run behind the alter and step onto the Bride’s veil, yanking her head back in pain. The groomsmen should now be cracking up.

– You finally make it to the seat and don’t even realize you’ve made a fool of yourself…

– That is until you are 14, and your Aunt pulls out that forsaken tape of humiliation. Good Luck!

– Bravo! You have successfully embarrassed yourself at a wedding when you’re 4!

 

My family never lets this story go! Hope you enjoyed!!!

xoxo, The Virgin Queen